If I Was The One

The first time I saw her, I knew that there was something interesting about her.  I still didn't know what was that but it felt like I needed to know.  I wasted no time in getting to know her.  I have been hearing her name because she was working in the same department where my team belonged.  I was a member of a varsity club and we would usually request for logistical needs to the office, of course, through her.

As days passed by, I found myself regularly visiting her, often sitting in front of her desk, pretending to ask questions about my team, and a few other things.  Of course, during those conversations, I would normally incorporate my personal questions.  She willingly answered every question I asked, often asking me why I want to know, but still answering them in the end.  That's when I knew, we could be friends.

There are times when I was running out of questions (because I already got what i needed in my team's concern), and yet, I would still go to her office just to see her.  The conversation went from the shallow stories to the deeper ones.  I found myself opening up my stories to her as well. I jokingly told her what if we fall in love? She was bubbly, always happy, and always accommodating  but one thing that she told me was not to fall in love with her.  I boastfully said, I will never.

But I felt that that was the biggest lie I told her.  Could this be that I am falling for her?  I didn't want to entertain that fact because of our situation, me, being directly under her and she, as our supervisor.  But each day, my feelings for her gets stronger that I could no longer contain it.  I wanted to tell her early on, but something was keeping me from doing so.  I still did not tell her that.  

Then, I fell in love with her even more when I found out that her boyfriend was hurting her.  It felt like I needed to be there for her. I wanted to protect her and I wanted to show her I care.  I knew that she was in pain, in deep pain and her relationship with him was in the brink of breaking down, yet I did not see her falter.  She remained faithful to him, I can see that in her eyes.  Despite that, she never failed to smile at me in the days that I visited her. She never failed to listen to me no matter how busy her work is.  

One day, I finally got the courage to ask for her number which she willingly give.  Maybe she thought that it would just be for official business, but my purpose was different.  I wanted to know her better and we found ourselves sending messages to each other, on a daily basis.  At that point, I thought that there was something. It felt like there was hope that somehow she could give me her attention, and love probably. But that was too damn to think about. She in involved, she is in a relationship, and I could not ruin that.  However, something's telling me not to leave her. I wanted to be there when she cries, when she needs someone to talk to and when she eventually say goodbye to that stupid  (sorry for the word) boyfriend who do not deserve someone as special as her.

But for now, all I can do is ask myself, what if it is me who was loving her?