I was
crying while inside the bus bound for Pangasinan. I was crying because this is the first time I
travelled alone. I was crying because I was too nervous and worried. I didn’t know what to expect. Will his family like me? Will I be out of
place? Will I visit and just leave, or will I stay? I really don’t know.
The six-hour travel went on smoothly, and in
about 3’oclock in the afternoon, I reached their town. It was lucky that he answered my messages
that day. I had no one to ask but him
for directions. And although it was hard
for him, he made sure he waited for me to the drop-off point. When I get off the bus, I saw him standing
there wearing his green jersey and a short.
He had a bandage in his head, and bruises in his arms and legs. I was teary-eyed when I asked him how he is.
I kissed him and hugged him and I had nothing to say but “Are you okay?” I wish he is. There are still a lot of things
that I want to ask, but I deferred it and saved them for later.
While
in the tricycle going to his house, I held his hand and that’s when I felt that
I was ready to forgive him even if he doesn’t ask for it. I was just too happy to be with him that day.
Meeting
his family for the first time gave a jittery feeling like I never felt before. The first ones to greet me were the kids, his
nieces and nephews. Somehow, they helped
relieved my uneasiness. I instantly felt
I was liked and loved, at least by the kids.
Then, I met his mother whom he called “Inang”. I kissed her hand and said hello. She smiled at me and somehow acknowledged my
presence. She didn’t understand me for
she speaks a different dialect, but I knew that she was happy to see me. He then introduced me to his sisters and brothers. I couldn’t really talk much because I do not
know what to say. I was kind of feeling
if I can converse them and if ever if there is one topic which we could talk
about.
We
sat in the living room, and while I was talking to Jay, one of his nieces, whom
I have met while in Manila, came to me and gave me the sweetest hug as if she’s
telling me to hold on and to stay. I
didn’t quite understood it until she told me “Tita, sana ikaw na lang talaga”. That was the time when I knew
that they didn’t approve of his ex-girlfriend.
My
supposedly one-day visit extended to three days. I thought that he would be ready to come with
me after I came over. I don’t know but I really have this fear that if I go
back without him, it’s going to be over for us. No matter how hard I insisted,
he didn’t go. I had to travel back to Manila alone. I know I did not fulfill my goal of going
there, I never got him to come with me, but still I was happy. I was able to take care of him even for a
while, to see if he is okay, and to somehow give him the impression that we are
still okay. But when I left, I still had
a broken heart; my heart was still heavy.
Somehow I felt that it’s going to be the end, and I should start
accepting the fact that I could no longer work my ways for him. I can no longer compel him to love me…to be
with me.
